There are some mornings you wake up and you cannot find the laughter. The tears come and you want to be able to see the humor, but instead you feel the anger.
They’ve mentioned that a withdrawal symptom of cymbalta can be unreasonable anger. I didn’t believe that would happen to me. I tend to bounce back and forth between happiness or sadness. Anger has never really been my thing… However, this morning I woke up with dried tears on my face from a frustrating night of restless legs, brain zaps, intense body aches and headaches. I wasn’t able to sleep until at least 4a.m. and I woke up angry about it.
I want nothing more than to run away. The idea of going through another day of these symptoms and pains seems hideously cruel to myself and to my body. Then I remember why I’m doing this.
I’m doing this so the fog that has enveloped my mind for four years no longer exists. I’m doing this as a testimony to the strength and healing hand of God. I’m doing this because I want to know what true emotions are. And I’m doing this for my long term neurological and physical health.
I know I talk often of laughter and joy, and I very much want to embrace that, but I think being honest about hard it can be is necessary as well. I cannot pretend that it is ALL laughter all the time. My eyes are tired, my soul longs for rest, and my body aches.
“The Light of My Presence is shining upon you, in benedictions of peace. Let my Light shine in you; don’t dim it with worries or fears.” -Jesus Calling (March 19)
I woke up angry. I woke up sad. But I’m struck by God’s faithfulness as I write this. I feel his presence and his peace. I am thankful that God’s peace is stable, unconditional, and everlasting.